It’s not working.

Let’s talk about something no one wants to admit out loud:

Modern relationships are a contradictory, confusing mess.
And no, it’s not (just) because men suck or women are crazy. It’s because we’re all pretending we’re more evolved than we actually are.

See, we like to think love is some higher-level emotional connection where two healed people sit down and co-create a life full of trust, orgasms, and color-coordinated Spotify playlists.

But in reality?

Most women are walking around with thousands of years of biological programming screaming: “Find the strongest, sexiest, most resource-rich man you can — and lock that sh*t down.”

At the same time, they’re also yelling at men for holding doors open, making more money, or taking charge.

Because “equality.”

Welcome to the mindf*ck that is modern dating.

Women Want Providers — But Hate the Power Dynamic

Let’s get this out of the way: most women say they want an equal partner.
Emotionally available. Self-aware. Collaborative. Great listener. Would never say “calm down.”

But when it’s time to choose a partner?

They’re not swiping right on Brad the empathetic co-parent who journals and makes decent banana bread.
They’re chasing Jack who deadlifts 3x a week, has a vague consulting job, and shows just enough emotional trauma to be sexy but not annoying.

Why? Because evolution doesn’t give a damn about TED Talks or gender studies.

It wants survival. It wants strength. It wants security.
Even in 2025, biology still whispers:

“Pick the man who can protect you, lead you, and — if needed — kill a bear with his bare hands.”

The problem?

The moment he actually acts like that guy, he gets called controlling, toxic, or emotionally unavailable.

And honestly… sometimes he is. But more often, he’s just playing the role evolution assigned him.

Men Are Told to Be Strong — But Punished for Acting Like It

Let’s flip it.

Men are still raised — directly or indirectly — to believe that their value comes from what they do.
Make money. Be useful. Don’t cry. Handle it. Take charge. Provide.

And women still expect these things… until it makes them feel “less than.”
Then it becomes a problem.

A man leads? “He’s controlling.”
He pays? “He’s trying to buy me.”
He takes initiative in bed? “He’s not reading my energy.”

So now he’s stuck in limbo.

He’s not allowed to be dominant.
He’s not allowed to be passive.
He’s supposed to be strong, but soft. Confident, but deferential. Assertive, but never intimidating.

Basically: Be everything at once. But only when I want it.

It’s like telling a guy to wrestle a lion while making sure the lion feels emotionally safe throughout the experience.

Equality Isn’t the Problem. Expectation Confusion Is.

Let me be clear: this isn’t an anti-woman rant.
It’s a WTF-is-going-on rant.

Because here’s what women are being sold:

“You can have it all. A man who’s strong, sensitive, rich, humble, dominant, emotionally literate, ambitious, self-sacrificing, funny, faithful, open-minded, and still somehow obsessed with you forever.”

Meanwhile, men are being told:

“You’re privileged. Be better. Learn to be vulnerable. But also lead. But also don’t be aggressive. And definitely never disagree too hard.”

Both genders are being gaslit by Instagram reels, trauma therapists on TikTok, and self-help memes with butterflies in the background.

And nobody knows what the hell they’re doing anymore.

The Truth? You Can’t Have It Both Ways.

You want a man who leads? Then you have to let him lead.
That means you might feel uncomfortable sometimes. It doesn’t mean he’s a narcissist. It might just mean he’s masculine.

You want equality? Then drop the fantasy of a man who out-earns, out-plans, and out-performs you in every way — while also bowing to your emotional needs 24/7.

That man doesn’t exist. And if he does, he’s probably dead inside.

You can’t want primal attraction and politically correct behavior in the same package.
That’s not a boyfriend. That’s a character in a Netflix show written by someone who’s never been on a date.

Final Thought

Men aren’t confused because they’re stupid.
They’re confused because the rules keep changing depending on how a woman feels that day.

And women aren’t wrong for wanting security, love, and respect.
But they are wrong for pretending their instincts don’t come with trade-offs.

So maybe — just maybe — it’s time to stop yelling about what men should be…

…and start getting honest about what you actually want — and what it really takes to build that with someone.

Because you can’t scream “I am woman, hear me roar” while secretly waiting for a man to slay the dragons.

Pick one.
Or be real about the fact that we’re all just trying to survive this beautiful, messy jungle called love — with a brain that still thinks we’re living in a cave.